Mai Tais, Dry Tais, and Pink Champagne

We enjoy an occasional fruity drink, especially if well decorated with orchids and fruit kabobs. Here are some of our favorite places on Oahu for tropical drinks.

The Mai Tai Bar at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel in Waikiki is a great spot for any drink. The menu is a rainbow of tropical refreshment in blues, reds, greens, oranges, and pinks.

The Royal Mai Tai is gorgeous with its orchid-fruit-mint salad on top. The Pink Palace (the hotel's nickname) is a pale pink blend of light rum, coconut, and pineapple. For those who have had their fill of fruity hooch, the hotel has its own private label pink champagne. It's not on the menu, but they always have some on hand.

WARNING: Don't be tempted to try every drink on the menu in one day.

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United Flight 81 LAX to Honolulu

Even the pretzels taste exotic on the way to Hawaii. That first sip of Mai Tai on the plane as you're getting used to everyone saying "Aloha" and "Mahalo" just tastes so good. Some people actually start relaxing right on the plane! United uses a bottled mix by Trader Vics. When they have time to garnish, this Mai Tai truly stands up.

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House Without A Key at the Halekulani Hotel in Waikiki

A very special Mai Tai. Diamond Head. Sunset. Jeff Au Hoy's steel guitar is a friendly docent leading the tour of the lilting world called Waikiki. Imbibe.

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La Mariana Sailing Club in Honolulu

A collection of cast-off vintage Tiki icons from yesteryear, this shrine is a paean to a cringe-worthy side effect of U.S. colonialism. That said, it is a kitsch utopia, unparalleled in the Sovereign Nation of Hawaii.

We love their Mai Tai for the generous float of dark rum.

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Our Vacation Rental (North Shore)
With a little homework, we usually find a vacation rental with a great view of the sunset. We have a tradition of making our tropical masterpiece every day right before the sun goes down. Then we sit back and marvel at the beauty of it all.















Every vacation rental on Oahu boasts the presence of a blender in the list of amenities. The supermarkets have handy packets of frozen coconut milk, exotic tropical fruit juices, and really good fresh fruit. Fresh local fruit is available at roadside stands and farmers markets. With a full palette of creative options we often go nuts.

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Dry Tai

After a few nights of tropical blender drinks or Mai Tais at the local resort bar, the cocktails start to feel sticky and taste cloying. That is why I invented the "Dry Tai." Here is my recipe:

Pour 2 jiggers of light rum over cracked ice in an old-fashioned glass. Follow with 2 ounces of pineapple juice. Squeeze the juice from 1/4 lime and stir to combine. Top with a float of 151 dark rum and garnish with a wedge of fresh pineapple and a small tropical flower.

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ONE LAST WARNING: As any fan of "Lost" already knows, the DUI laws are strictly enforced on Oahu. Don't drive drunk.

Leeward Oahu - The Best Restaurant In Makaha

At the end of Farrington Highway on the Leeward side of Oahu is Keawa'ula Beach. Some maps refer to it as Yokohama Beach. It is very beautiful and quite worth the road trip to get here.

Our trek started at Sunset Beach and brought us through Central Oahu to Farrington Highway near Pearl Harbor. We then headed west. At Ko' Olina we realized we were hungry and started looking for convenient roadside eateries. As the road curved north we came upon a few towns with few restaurants. A McDonald's here, a Chop Suey shop there, but we were not yet hungry enough to settle.

As we drove past the Taco Bell in Makaha I began to salivate. A couple miles out of town we realized that we just left the last comestible possibility behind us. I was just about to burst into tears from fear of hunger when Dan turned the car around. The group was very quiet as we pulled into the parking lot of Taco Bell.

"Drive-thru or eat - in?" Dan asked.

"Eat - in." was the unanimous and instant, but somber response.

Ordering was frustrating. The crew had one obstacle after another. The young woman in front of us had her credit card declined. Ouch. The food seemed to take forever. After we sat down and opened up all the wrappers we fell into a reverent and delicious silence. It was good. It was really really good.
















Note: If you decide to make the trip just know that there are poor people on this side of the island. Many of them are homeless. I've looked at job postings and real estate prices on Oahu and it only takes a minute on a calculator to determine why there is poverty here.

Windward Oahu - Lunch

PAY THE MAN!

There are fewer eating places on the windward side of North Shore than the sunset side. This led us one day to The Crouching Lion. I had read some warnings in a few books and websites like "...keep driving!" We stopped for lunch and so I have decided to list a few of their strengths.

1. Regular customers were heard calling staff members "auntie," which I love.
2. There is a full bar.
3. If you sit outside you have an ocean view across the street.
4. There is a delicious local fruit salad.
5. Rose' by the glass.
6. Locals hang here. Not the neo-locals, but multi generation locals. Maybe even some actual Hawaiians.
7. The Birdguy works here! See below...

At the top of the stairway from the parking lot, between the lounge and the game room, there is a little yard set up with a flock of clip-winged tropical birds. They are trained by "THE BIRDGUY" to assemble with the tourists into the best group photo I've seen.

They are also trained to close. As in sales. The sign is worded to encourage "donations" to help "THE BIRDGUY" buy seed for the little darlings. As I reached the yard he placed a pink headed exotic creature on my finger. He distributed a charming feathered representative to each of us and asked if we would like him to take a picture of us with the birds for a small donation.

Being in my usually afternoon grumpy mood, I said no thanks and continued to baby talk the pink topped parrot on my finger. The bird lunged at me but I flinched before he could bite. "THE BIRDGUY" grabbed little pink stuff and placed him back on a perch. The parrot began shrieking at me as he stomped his feet and swayed from side to side.

I'm not completely sure but it sounded like he was saying, "PAY THE MAN! I HATE YOU! YOU SUCK!

North Shore, Oahu - Massage

MAUREEN LAND


We met Maureen, the massage therapist in '06 during our stay at Keiki beach. Christi spotted a little home-made sign for oceanfront massage so we called her up. Back then she was set up at Keiki Beach Bungalows but this year, much to our delight, she also does out calls.

Maureen is one of the very best massage therapists I've experienced, and I think Christi would agree. We had her come over and set up on our balcony overlooking the beach. She works really strong but never to the level of pain or discomfort. Her quick intuition takes her to the problem spots without too much verbal interaction.

Unless you want to talk. Maureen also has the gift of gab. Or maybe it's me. She can sense when a person needs to zone out, as reported by Christi and Rick who both claim she was quiet as night during their massages. Without spoiling the plot, I'll just report that I've been lucky enough to catch her during her story telling moods and she is hilarious, wise, and world weary.

I love Maureen. You will, too. Oh yeah, she also does out call airbrush tanning, if for some reason you need a quick tan. 808-782-1000

North Shore, Oahu - Kahuku Kai

HORSEBACK RIDING WITH LINDA

We just spent our third vacation in a row on the North Shore of Oahu. Each fall we've rented a house on the beach and for the past two years we convinced our good friends, Christi and Dan Schimpke, to go with us. Actually this year it took no convincing.

We made a couple of new discoveries this year. One is a great horseback riding tour in Kahuku with a retired woman cop named Linda. She (and her horses) were really good with the less experienced rider and let us open the horses up on the beach. The ride started at Linda's stable and cut over some gorgeous North Shore rural farm land.

Within minutes the dirt trail became sand and we were on a long abandoned stretch of beach. My horse, Opal, the self appointed alpha female, was half Arabian and half quarter horse and she took off like a shot. When everyone caught up Linda tried to assemble the group for a photo, which was pretty amusing. Christi's horse, Peaches, is a retired polo horse, vying for a promotion in the group. At one point I looked back just as Peaches had bitten Mr. Krinkles who was bucking sideways. Rick, the greenhorn of the group, hung on like J. J. Elshere. Dan's horse, Sunfire, was the laid back horse who seemed to get along with everyone.

We wound through some trees and the trail ran along the edge of Kahuku Golf Course, a reasonably priced public course if you're so inclined. We passed a nicely located old graveyard that dated back to the 1800's. Linda has a great gift of gab and knows and loves her horses. Pack a pair of jeans if you think you might ride. 808-293-8081